know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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