I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
