And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
