Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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