She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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