Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
