why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
