I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
