8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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