I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
