my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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