Dual....:-)
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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