you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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