i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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