i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
