She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
