WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
