I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
