I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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