i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
