youre lurking in front of me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
