What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
