we're blogging at a bar
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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