What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just cropdusted the office
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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