I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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