I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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