and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
