Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
