your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
