so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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