She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
