life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
