ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
