No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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