I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
love makes seman taste better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Couch. On fire.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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