Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
