im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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