Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize