You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
