Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
