I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
