do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
