I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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