AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
