I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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