mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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