A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
