Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful