i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
no, he came in my armpit
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night