Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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