I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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