I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
