Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
