I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize