508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
