Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fuck appropriateness.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
