dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
