his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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