I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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