Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
