I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
