I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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