i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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