1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
