he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
