Me. At least after what I've been through.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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