I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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