You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
