Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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