I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
COCAINE IS GR8
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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