last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
