She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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