Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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