he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
People in love make me want to vomit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
