Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
