come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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