They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
