so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
